Midnight Eyes
by The Bickering Kingdom
Summary: Sister Bernadette struggles greatly for her ever growing feelings for Doctor Turner but when something terrible happens it could very well lead her to finally making a choice to where her heart really lays.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Call the Midwife.**

 **AN: This an AU for Series 2.**

The cold spring night air makes Sister Bernadette shiver as she cycles through the streets of Poplar. Some of the nurses hate the night shift, but the young Nun prefers delivering babies at night. Especially when the mother has older children because they are less boisterous at night than in the daytime.

Lisa Castle has four children and tonight Sister Bernadette will help deliver her fifth. Another little blessing, another mouth to clothe and feed. Lisa and Henry Castle don't have a lot of money, but they have plenty of love to give.

She brings her bike to a halt when she reaches their house. The couple's oldest child Anne waits outside for her and greets her with a small smile, and the words "Come in Sister,".

Anne leads her into the house, and up the stairs where the loud groans of pain travel out to the landing. Sister Bernadette opens the door with a small smile on her lips and the feeling of happiness that tonight she would deliver another little blessing.

 ***L*I*n*e*b*r*e*a*k***

Mother's always know when you are lying to them about everything being alright. Sister Bernadette can see it Lisa's face that she knows everything isn't okay and that there is something to worry about, but still she repeats the words "Everything is fine," and "Doctor Turner will arrive any minute just to check that everything is going as it should,".

She wishes that Sister Evangelina was here with her because she always knew what to say to keep Mother's calm. It was her no-nonsense attitude that made them feel secure. Sister Julienne was good at making women feel at ease too, but in a different way to Sister Evangelina. She would give anything to have one of them here to draw strength from their calmness.

"You're doing very well Lisa," Sister Bernadette says using her most confident tone of voice as Lisa Castle lets out a cry. Lisa's face is scrunched up with pain, her hair and forehand damp with sweat.

"It's times like this I wished I'd become a Nun," Lisa tells her through gritted teeth.

 **L*I*N*E*B*R*E*A*K**

Doctor Turner is doing the best he can while they wait for an ambulance, but Sister Bernadette fears that it isn't enough. She's praying that her fears are wrong that both mother and baby will make it through.

Lisa's groans are becoming less loud and less frequent. Her pulse is growing weaker, and the baby's heartbeat is getting slower.

"Mrs Castle, have you chosen a name for the baby yet?" Doctor Turner asks, trying to keep her conscious.

"Joseph if it's a boy and Susan if it's a girl," Lisa groggily replies.

Her eyes meet Doctor Turner's and everything neither can say out loud is in them. The fear of losing both Lisa Castle and her unborn child, words of comfort neither could utter and so much more.

The sound of voices and footsteps on the stairs makes them both sigh with relief because at least now Lisa and the baby had a chance.

 **L*I*N*E*B*R*E*A*K**

There were so many things she would have liked to do. Like to have told Henry that everything, in the end, would work out, but she couldn't because she didn't know whether it would or not. She wanted to have given Anne real comfort, but there was nothing she could say or do.

She wishes that so many babies weren't due in Poplar so she could have gone to the hospital with Lisa, but they were and she couldn't.

No, instead she's making her way back to Nonnatus House.

She wishes that when Doctor Turner handed her equipment, and their fingers touched that it hadn't sent shivers through her body or that didn't always have to break the connection they had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Call the Midwife.**

She isn't sleeping very well lately, but as long as it didn't affect her helping patients, she was happy to keep it to herself. However, her lack of appetite was beginning to get noticed not only by her Sisters but by the Nurses too. There were a few comments made about it followed by looks of concerns while she smiled softly, trying her hardest to convince everyone she was okay.

It was the comment that Sister Monica Joan made at breakfast that had left her uneasy all morning.

"A torn heart creates a sick heart and a sick heart creates a sick body," Her voice soft and understanding, eyes looking into her very soul almost if she knew the struggle that went on inside Sister Bernadette's heart.

Everyone ate in silence after that all pretending that Sister Monica Joan's words were not aimed at anyone.

All day she had gone out of her way to avoid everyone at Nonnatus House something made easier by the ever rising population of Poplar. The phone never stopped ringing, and all hands were on deck. Every mother as thankful as the previous one for the help they were getting. Sometimes the kindness they got from a Midwife was the first bit of gentleness they had ever received. It was not her place to judge anyone that was up to God, but there were times when she saw what people had gone through at the hands of those who claimed to love them left her disgusted.

 ***Line-Break***

Maria Frost was pretty and had an air of naivety about her that added to her beauty. She was sixteen and unmarried, but instead, of casting her out of the family home her family was standing by her something Sister Bernadette rarely saw. No family wanted the shame of their young daughter having a child out of wedlock. The fear of what people would say and think nearly always the cause of the girl being pushed away by her family.

Michael and Elizabeth Frost were far from happy that their youngest child, their only daughter was pregnant with the father not interested in either the baby or her. However, they were doing everything they could to support her through it.

Maria was five months pregnant and when her panicked mother phone Nonnatus House Sister Julienne insisted on going with her to the house to see Maria. Not because she didn't trust Sister Bernadette's skills as a Midwife, but because it was better to have support if something was wrong.

Maria had come out in a nasty rash or, at least, that's what her mother had told her on the phone.

As they cycled as fast as they could to get to Maria's, Sister Bernadette mind wandered to Lisa Castle laying in the hospital with her healthy newborn little girl. The relief and happiness she had felt the day before when Doctor Turner told her both were fine was something she hoped to feel again before the day was over.

 ***Line-Break***

The rash was nothing more than an allergic reaction to a new perfume Maria had begun using a few days before. Sister Julienne reassured both mother and daughter that there was no cause for concern, but to put their mind at ease she would drop into tomorrow morning to do another check up.

Sister Bernadette found that Sister Julienne kind face and comforting voice could put most people at ease. She wondered if she had gone there alone would she have been able to reassure mother and daughter like Sister Julienne had. Most of the time Sister Bernadette put mother's at ease, but that was down to the skills she had learnt from Sister Julienne.

 ***Line Break***

The front door closes behind them, and Sister Bernadette spots Doctor Turner car across the road. That's the last thing she sees before everything goes black.


End file.
